Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
