how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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