I wish my penis had an off switch
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
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