Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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