apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
