We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm like, not good at living.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
