girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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