I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
