that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
