thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
