i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
