Umm I'm too high to move.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
