Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Fuck appropriateness.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
