After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
