I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
