I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
