I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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