it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
