Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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