hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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