we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I think I just sharted jello shots
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