i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
