All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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