so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
sarcasm needs its own font
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
