I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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