I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
