he thought i was a dude.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Do vagina's smell?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
