I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
