you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
