I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
operation harelip BJ is a go
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
