its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Randomize
