Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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