woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
