i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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