I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
did i walk over a car last night?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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