the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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