Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
