can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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