I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
