I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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