i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
