my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
