i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
