I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
