life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
