I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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