I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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