it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
