Your tits are I can't wait for
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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