thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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